How to make friends as an adult

There seems to be some misconception that making friends when you’re a grown up isn’t normal, it means we must be weird or a loner. Is this really true?

Making new friends can be really daunting and for some reason feels unnatural as we get older. How was it so easy when we were younger? I’m going to say it’s probably because we hadn’t learned to judge and criticise ourselves as much.

Having recently moved to a new city where I knew no one, I think I picked up some skills in how to make new friends. The fact that I moved in the middle of a pandemic didn’t seem very promising at the start, but in fact I think it meant I had to push myself that little bit more and the results have been great.

Step 1: Become friends with yourself first

A valuable lesson that I feel blessed to be learning early on in life is how important self-love is. For any relationship to truly succeed, you must be coming from a place of true, unconditional love for yourself. This does not mean being cocky and arrogant, it simply means listening to the way you talk to yourself and asking, ‘would I speak to someone I love like that?’. We are so quick to be self-critical about every, tiny thing and that knocks off a little bit more confidence each and every time. Think about a plant that needs water, sunlight, care and love in order to survive. If it is lacking one or more of these things, then it will begin to wither and die. In the same way you nurture a plant, you must nurture, love and care for yourself.

When you have that love for yourself you will be coming at the new friendships from a much stronger position. You will be confident in your authentic self (and here’s a secret – people will like you more when you are your true self than if you’re trying to be ‘cool’ or whatever else). You won’t be scared of rejection as you will have an understanding that not everyone has to like you, and that’s ok! When you don’t depend on others for validation, you eliminate that fear because you know it’s just a matter of your energy, values and beliefs not aligning – it’s just not meant to be, but others will be.

By getting rid of judgement towards yourself, you will also let go of judgement of others. Filling yourself up with love and letting it overflow out into the world means you will be radiating pure positivity and good energy – isn’t that the type of person you would love to be around? Be that which you wish to attract. The energy you put out into the world is the energy you will find yourself surrounded by.

Step 2: Take action

Making the move can be scary. Messaging someone first, asking someone if they would like to go for coffee, talking to someone random you’ve never met before, attending an event by yourself. This is all terrifying stuff! But there are a few reasons why you should.

Firstly, a lot of the time the other person feels the exact same as you and they will be so glad you reached out to them. Just think of how good it would feel to make someone else’s day. The same goes for talking to someone random at a bus stop, café or in a waiting room. I love listening to people’s stories about friends they met randomly, and it inspired me to do the same one day. I was so nervous, but deep down I knew I was coming from a place of love and that’s how it would be received. I was right. I talked to the girl at the bus stop, got her number and we have had loads of fun any time we’ve met up. She later told me about how that 2minute conversation made her day and she went home to tell all her friends!

Secondly, each time you do something that scares you it will start to scare you a little less. You soon realise that the feelings of fear and nerves are only present in the lead up, and they’re actually much worse than the task itself. Isn’t it crazy what our preconditioned beliefs from repetitive negative thoughts can do to us? Our mind gives us real, physical feelings and can stop us from taking so many great opportunities! Realising that we are not our mind is liberating. If you don’t know what I mean, I recommend you read ‘A New Earth’ or ‘The Power of Now’ by Eckhart Tolle.

Saying yes to new opportunities or to going to events solo can be the beginning of something really great. The best things happen when we step outside our comfort zone. That is how we grow, learn and move to the next stage of our life. That is how we become the person we want to be and live the life we want to live.

(image from pinterest)

Step 3: You can manifest friends

You might think that the law of attraction and manifesting is only for goals or material things, but you can absolutely manifest people and relationships into your life too. Obviously, you can’t pick a person and say, ‘I want to manifest them’ but you can think about the type of person you want to attract. List the qualities of the friends you want to have; list the things you want from the relationship. Also, what can you give to the relationship? Remember relationships are about balance, give and take. What are the qualities that make you a great friend or a wonderful person to be around?

After this you can manifest in the usual way. Visualise yourself having these friendships and all the things you will do together, try to use all the senses. How will you feel? Visualise laughing together and having fun. Immerse yourself fully in the day dream and make it seem as real as possible. Give thanks for these new friends, give thanks for the friends you already have and even the friendships that are no longer. Gratitude and love are the strongest attracting forces in the universe. Believe and you will receive.

Writing down your goals is also a great tool. I recommend you write them in the present tense as if you already have what you desire. Write them down every day. Stick them somewhere you will see them every day, or multiple times throughout the day. What we think about, we bring about. So, think about it lots! Think about it and feel good, because you know those amazing new friends are on their way to you.

I hope you find these tips useful. I would love to hear your friend-making stories so please do get in touch and share the joy!

Lily xx