Self-love: why is it so important?

The phrase 'self-love' is thrown around a lot but what does it really mean to you and how do you practice it?

Since I started reading more self-help and positive thinking books I have been made aware of the 'importance' of self-love. The theory makes sense: we must fill ourselves with love first so that we are able to give and receive love from others. But how do we do that? How do we love ourselves? This has been the question on my mind for a while.

When we are little we are not taught to love ourselves. In fact from we are very young we are conditioned by society and those around us to believe that we are not good enough, we can't accept compliments and that to love yourself is to be arrogant and cocky. This is no one's fault, it is just the way we are used to. But this unfortunately means that we then have low self-esteem, self-worth and we rely on others to make us feel validated (and in reality, this is never going to happen!).

Self-love is something that will affect all areas of our lives.

Relationships:

Without self-love we are constantly doubting ourselves and worrying about what other people think of us. We lack that security within that will say 'who cares what they think?'. When we are in this state we are constantly looking for validation from the outside - a laugh at our joke, constant reassurance from a partner that they still love us, praise for something good we have done etc. The truth is, all the validation you need comes from within. Once you discover self-love you will stop asking 'do they still like me' and you will know that the only person you need to like you is YOU. This sense of security will allow your relationships to flourish.

Health:

Lack of self-love can lead to both mental and physical health problems. Self-love means knowing that you are worthy and this includes being worthy of care and attention from yourself. If we don't feel we are worthy, it is likely we will not eat well, exercise or look after our mental state. But on the contrary, if we recognise the true beauty of our bodies and the lives we have been given we will cherish and look after them. Simple acts like nourishing your body and mind with healthy food and lots of water, scheduling some movement into each day, taking your vitamins and practicing mindfulness are all coming from a place of self-love.

Abundance:

When it comes to the Law of Attraction and manifesting desires, the main steps that are always described are 'Ask, Believe, Receive'. My flaw with this is that it leaves out one huge factor. You must know you are worthy and deserving of that which you wish to attract. If you do not, the process will go something like this:

Dear Universe, I would like a brand new car.

*Begins to visualise dream car*

*Thoughts of doubt creep in* I could never get that car, that car is too expensive for me, I would need to save up for years, that car is too good for me etc etc.

Result: resistance and a focus on lack.

Like attracts like, and when we focus on lack that is what we attract. When we focus on not being worthy or deserving, that is what we attract! Self-love means being secure in the fact that you deserve all the good in life, because why wouldn't you? What makes you any less deserving than the next person? I'll tell you: it is simply the belief that you are. And a belief can be changed.

So how do we begin to love ourselves? This is something I have been trying to figure out. I am starting to get there but I'm definitely not an expert. Here are some of the things that I have discovered for myself:

Affirmations:

Repeating positive affirmations is a really strong and effective way to rewrite old beliefs. The words 'I AM...' are incredibly powerful and repeating these affirmations fill me with positive energy, leaving me feeling invincible and loved. Think of everything you want to feel - confident, secure, loved, happy, content, peaceful - and just affirm that you are!

I AM happy

I AM confident

I AM peaceful

I AM loved

To make these even more powerful, say them with emotion, sing them, smile while you repeat them. Anything that makes you feel good is raising your vibration and when you feel good while affirming these new beliefs, they will begin to stick.

Reading:

I am constantly reading books about self-love and positivity. The more I read about negative emotions and how to release yourself from them, the more capable I feel to turn towards love and positivity. Life is a constant learning process and these books are helping me to live my best life. Some that I recommend are:

Louse Hay 'You Can Heal Your Life'

Gabby Bernstein 'Super Attractor'

Eckhart Tolle 'A New Earth'

Rhonda Byrne 'The Greatest Secret'

But there are so many more, go with the ones that you feel drawn to and resonate with as they will offer you the message that is right for you.

Knowing your love language:

My love language is words of affirmation. I have always thrived on praise and begin to feel really insecure without constant verbal reassurance from loved ones. Recently I had the realisation that instead of depending on others to make me feel loved with their words, I can give that love to myself. I thought of what I always want people to say to me and decided I was going to start saying it to myself. This came in the form of letters to myself in my journal or positive thinking and affirmations, but it really has made such a difference. Firstly, figure out what your love language is here, then think of ways you can use this information to show yourself some love!

Meditation:

What often counteracts self-love is the incessant negative self-talk. When looking at yourself in the mirror, or completing tasks throughout the day, do you ever stop and listen to the voice in your head? If you do, you will likely realise that it is so harsh! We become accustomed to criticising ourselves and half the time don't even realise we are doing it. One amazing way to become more aware of your thoughts is through meditation. When we are more aware of our daily thoughts we will be able to stop negative ones in their tracks and replace them with new positive ones. This process takes practice but I promise you will notice a huge difference if you stick with it.

These are just some of the practices I have been doing to show myself more love. No longer am I searching for love in the outside world, but I am allowing it to bubble up from within and overflow into all my relationships and everything that I do. This is how it should be.

I hope you find something in this blog post useful. Your feedback is always welcome!

Lily